u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
