What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i love accidental penises.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
