Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
