You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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