I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
