i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
