so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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