The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
