I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
