If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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