why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
high people should be assigned attendants
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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