you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
