Moan for me like Helen Keller
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize