I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
