I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
