please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
