He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
