then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
