Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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