I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize