i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
