I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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