Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
