I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
