I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
