Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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