i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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