Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
