so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
