I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
