Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
