well you can't waste a boner
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm getting married
To pizza
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
