Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
