Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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