Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
