I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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