Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So squirting runs in the family.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
