you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
