Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
