when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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