the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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