Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
