I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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