Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize