im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
