I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
