he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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