My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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