areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize