New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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