there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
did you just send me my own nude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
