the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
