none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
