discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
