I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
