Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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