dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
