I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found a bag of teeth...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize