You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
