Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
