I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize