dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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