I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize