so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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