part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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