yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
