aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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