Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
