What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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