I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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