Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
