Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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