I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
