just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
