Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
