I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
