I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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