Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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