12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
