I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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