toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
