At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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