at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
