Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
