I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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