We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
