after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
