yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
