is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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