White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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