Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
