just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
