I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
