tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
