yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
