if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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