Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
