how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
