in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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